Saturday, October 10, 2009

Metroid: A Primer


Executive 1: Hey I got an idea. Let's make a game about exploration with an excuse for a plot and lots of frustration!
Executive 2: Your plans impress me, as does the size of your penis.
Executive 1: I am impressive.

Metroid 2: Return of Samus
Executive 1: That first game was a big success, let's do it again but for the gameboy. Grainier, with less color, but somehow more gameplay.
Executive 2: You could satisfy an elephant, or a whale, or both at once.

Super Metroid
Executive 1: It's been a while since we made an actually good game, how about we follow up on that last Metroid game we made.
Executive 2: Penis size joke!
Executive 1: This wears thin quickly.

Metroid Prime
Executive 1: Prequels are "in" this year (and every year following and preceeding it) so let's make one.
Clown in a Suit: I can juggle 5 balls at once!

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes
Executive 1: I fired the clown, so let's make one of those trendy Dual World type games. Like most sequels to prequels, it'll be harder and weirder, but still somehow fun.
Talking Horse: A Mr. Ed reference? That's low.

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption
Executive 2: Hey, what happened to that well endowed go-getter Executive 1?
Executive 3: He was fired for possessing a dangerously large penis. It was a threat to national security. Let's make a crappy sequel to our two prequels that will enthrall most gamers but enrage one VERY SPECIFIC one with the poor quality and emphasis on shooting instead of exploring.
Clown in a Suit: Even I can tell that's a bad idea.

And so, the story of Metroid comes to a close.
Until the new one comes out and fails to impress a blogger with too much time on his hands.

1 comment:

  1. Yeah, admittedly this New Metroid has me concerned. Samus doesn't look like she used too. She looks Japanese, and small... Also, I'm afraid that Other M, (besides alluding to ANOTHER metroid, (since that's all that there is in the Universe) might have something to do with like another Samus. (like she has a sister or something <_< )

    The gameplay looked alright.